2016

"Don't have to do, a goddamn thing just sit around waiting to die."

Sturgill Simpon, Living The Dream

Day 1 of 2016.  2015 was a banner year.  Best year ever professionally and toward the end of got diet under control.  2016 is gonna be harder.  Number two son will be half way around the world and Dog is going to die.

Sturgill had tongue stuck firmly in cheek when he wrote Living The Dream.  That's not all you have to do.  There's the shit you need to do, the shit you must do, and the shit you'like to do.  What I need to do and like to do over-laps more and more.  So here's continuing that trend.

Lou

"Here he comes, he's all dressed in black
PR shoes and a big straw hat
He's never early, he's always late
first thing you learn is that you always gotta wait
I'm waiting for my man"
Lou Reed

The Velvets were before my time.  The first I heard Lou was '73 - Rock n' Roll Animal.  I was 14.  Steve Hunter and the twin leads blew our adolescent minds and we imagined our lives were saved by rock and roll before they had even begun.

We fell into good taste; if you liked anything in SF in the early '70's it was probably very very good.  We suffered through Berlin and dug Sally Can't Dance and flipped for I love You Suzanne and listened to Lou's tunes turned up loud, but from afar.  He did not come out to the west coast much, or at least if he did he was drowned out by the west coast and southern bands that came to Winterland and associated venues far more frequently.  I don't know if Lou pissed off Bill Graham; I'd not be surprised if he did.

My appreciation for Lou came later; after Garcia had died and those southern bands had slipped to the county fair circuit.  He'd never done that, if he sold out it was temporary - we all gotta eat.

Now those southern bands have spawned a boatload of talent and the Americana folk, jam grass scene is bright as the ringing mandolin over the top.  But Lou never had use for that.  He had no interest in legacy.  There may be bands east of the Mississippi that can draw a line however indirect to Lou but they've not made their way out here.  The only guy who draws that line, and it is a straight one, is Alejandro Escovedo and he is only ten years younger than Lou.  More miles than money as Al observes wryly.  I saw Al at Slims shortly after Lou died.  He sang Gravity and Sweet Jane and some guy put it on YouTube and you can see B's head, and mine, popping in and out of frame lower left for which I am grateful now and will be more so as the years go by:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrXib-W95AQ



I can't get over Lou's death.  He is not fading warmly into the recesses of memory like George or Jerry or Phil Everly or Pete or any of the list that have gone before him.  He never took a victory lap; never sought elder statesman status.  He was good in his community, clearly dug it.

No, now I find old recordings of Lou and still turn them up loud.  I turn them up loud and throw heavy metal.  He's at the top of my playlist and won't get off.  I listen to all the heavy metal I used to enjoy during a heavy set and it sounds like shit so I put Lou on.  And it sounds great.  Hope the Marin county suburbs can hang, because they're going to keep hearing Lou loud for a piece here.

http://www.eyeneer.com/video/rock/lou-reed/im-waiting-for-my-man

What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding . . .

"If we took just five minutes to recognize each other’s beauty instead of attacking each other for our differences—that’s not hard, it’s really an easier and better way to live. And ultimately, it saves lives. Then again, it can be the hardest thing—because loving other people starts with loving ourselves and accepting ourselves. And I know many of you have struggled with this, and I draw upon your strength and your support in ways that you will never know.  And I am here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference to help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I’m tired of hiding. And I’m tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered, and my relationships suffered."
Ellen Page, 2/14/14.

Brigid came out on 2/14/13.  This was not news to me, but it was a big deal for her at the time.  She promptly cut her hair off, gave up on wearing anything feminine, and has generally been a lot happier since.  I am happy to buy her Axe products and say nothing when she steals my boxer briefs.  (This is an interesting twist on what must occur in most households in which an 18 year old girl lives; only she is stealing mom's lingerie, instead of Dad' s boxer briefs.  I like my life better.)  Wherever we go she is mistaken for a young man which bothers me more that it does her.

So when the twittersphere erupted a couple of days ago when Ellen Page came out I was a bit baffled about the hullabaloo, but it seemed sweet and cemented my fondness for Ellen Page.  She is smart and articulate and I did tear up quite a bit during her talk, and appreciated her insights.

I am less fond of the hate legislation being passed in Kansas.  More than one person is going to die as a result of such cruelty.

We need an army of Ellen Pages, as well as an army of enraged parents, teachers, politicians and just plain folk.

At any rate, I asked Brigid if she'd watched Ellen's speech and she said she hadn't.  She looked at me incredulously and said:  "God Dad, what did you think, that's news ?  My gaydar went off immediately when we watched Juno."

We watched Juno in 2008, when Brig was 12.

Huh.

It troubles me that she had to struggle with her identity for so long.  But she's out now and that's what matters.

Fuck you Kansas.  That's a father talking.

High Tension Wire

"An eight ball baby and a jug of wine . . ."
Danny Barnes

December 1, 2012 I was sitting outside the locked door of the office at 44 Montgomery with Brigid and 15 bankers boxes of files.  I'd walked away from colleagues of the last 14 years, and moved what I imagined was my "practice" and it was now scattered around the hallway in front of the locked suite.  We'd been given the wrong suite key, so stuck.  Brigid:  "they're really rolling out the welcome wagon for you aren't they dad ?"

It got better and 2013 was the best of my professional career.  Yoga practice shrank to almost non-existent by the end of the year.  But threw the iron around, a lot, and arms and shoulders are absurdly large. I feel like Gimli when he drops the chain mail over his head in the Two Towers. Everything is a little tight.  Yes, you do have the time.

I don't know if 2014 will work out as well; I'll stress about it.  But I'll never again be crippled by self-doubt and afraid to make a move.  Gotten used to being a high tension wire . . .

Pete

"This machine stamps out hate and forces it to surrender."

"Here's to the cheshire, here's to the cheese . . ."

"Green and yeller, green and yeller, mother be quick, I'm gonna be sick and lay me down to die . . ."

"I learned that murderers die for their crimes, even if we make a mistake sometimes . . ."

"They never had such a supper in their life while the little one's chewed on the boneso, boneso . . . "

RIP Pete; we'll never stop listening.

2014

"Making something out of nothing with a scratch and our hope
With two old guitars like a shovel and a rope"
Shovels & Rope, Birmingham

Just finished the 11th day of Dan John's 10,000 swing program.  The 24kg is flying up like a (iron) balloon, but he says the worm turns at day 12 which is tomorrow, after the 8:30 settlement conference and before the Tuesday trial.  I am skeptical, I'll finish this program cause it is good for the grip and conditioning but I don't believe it'll suddenly get harder.  Its hard, but no too and that's enough.

2013 marks the best year I have ever had, financially and professionally.  Stronger, no doubt but the yoga practice has suffered.

At the start of 2014 the shoulders are large, the beard is grey.  Blood pressure is elevated, dog is gimpy.

Don't fuck it up.

The Power of Positive Thinking

U

 "Write it down; make it so."
Dan John/Jean LucPicard

A buddy of mine asked the other day if I was done with this blog and I think the answer is no.  Been tracking all workouts on fitocracy (dbt1959) so that purpose is being met elsewhere.  Have been feeling thick but am going to feel skinny tomorrow after 628 snatches in 40 minutes later this afternoon.  Write it down; make it so.  The Dan John/Jean Luc Picard mash-up.  That ended up going very well although ripped a callous on left, long time since that happened.
 
A therapist suggested several years ago that in many instances we can't control what happens to us but we can invariably control how we react. This true and wish I'd figured it out years ago.
The thing I like a about the music and fitness worlds on social media is that both are overwhelmingly positive. Two of my favorite examples are the enormously talented Jon Batiste and the enormously energetic Caroline Jordan. Both are in their mid twenties, clearly love what they do and are very very generous with their considerable skills.

I got turned onto Jon about three years ago when Brigid and I went to Yoshi's to hear the Roy Hargrove quintet. They closed with Soulful with Jon just teasing out the opening and closing vamp so softly and melodically it was breathtaking: for my money he stole the show. So when I started following him on social media, and seeing him and the Stay Human band performing on the subways and streets of New York and many other urban settings I was enthralled.  This young man has it going on.  Overwhelming positive and generous to the point where he takes his art to the street not to entertain but to feed off the people feeding off his art. The photo below says it all:

My buddy Caroline is of the same spirit. A tiny dynamo who may be 100 pounds soaking wet has an enormous(ly) positive outlook that she shoots straight from the heart like a fire hose.  She is a favorite presence at my gym though I have never taken one of her classes.  She will however yell out to me across a crowded gym floor and I am pretty sure I am the only one who has shouted "feeling groovy Caroline" across the tricked out confines of 301 Pine though it ought to happen more often.  She is the first to be leading a benefit and global businesses have quickly made her their local ambassador.  She is unrelenting positive, unconcerned by image or pretense and that is a very very good thing to see in one so young.  She sent me this TED talk by local yogi Stephanie Snyder.  Those cracks are gateways, she is correct.  If each presents an opportunity then the world is wide open:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8UUlgJxUFY



It's never too late to start and whatever burdens, baggage and shit storms the world has tossed your way are you have brought about are no excuse.  Some folks get more than their fair share.  Too bad, choose wisely, and it'll get better.  I love waking up to my sm feed. On the west coast by the time I am clutching my coffee others have been up and at it for three hours so I get the benefit of others' passion, and positive energy.  Take it.  Make your own.

It is not easy.  Turning 54 in three weeks and the all important physical piece requires planning and need to plan better.  Less pressing, more yoga.  Heavy long cycle is fun but twin 24's are no joke.  Like to start oly lifting but not sure that's a good idea in middle age.  Fact I'm pretty sure its not.    Focus on breathing better.  Slow down.  Work on thoracic mobility, not shoulders.  Big enough.  Except that I am 9 reps away on both sides from nailing ROP with the 28kg and yeah I am getting big but so what.  Think about what is going to serve you, and not that fucking ego that says I need to be an old badass mo in the gym.  You are an old badass mofo.  Now move the fuck on.

What I have learned through the Power is that there is nothing that cannot be changed.  Health ? Check.  Work situation ?  Check.  What next old man, there is much on the list.

Approached recently by very prestigious law firm looking to move back into SF.  Do the interviews, we each like what we see and it has been an ego boost.  But is it me ?  I have to say I think not.  I want less clutter, not more.  I make enough, work hard enough.  Do I need at this point to level it up again in the career ?  Not if its doing the same thing I do now.  Another very good client has mentioned moving in house twice recently.  That would be a change worth making; a total stretch in a new direction, my heart could take me there easily, as opposed to ego.

Regardless, that both opportunities present themselves I'll choose to mark down as a product of positive thinking.  Here's hoping that does not reveal itself to be delusional.  But I think not.