What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding . . .

"If we took just five minutes to recognize each other’s beauty instead of attacking each other for our differences—that’s not hard, it’s really an easier and better way to live. And ultimately, it saves lives. Then again, it can be the hardest thing—because loving other people starts with loving ourselves and accepting ourselves. And I know many of you have struggled with this, and I draw upon your strength and your support in ways that you will never know.  And I am here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference to help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selfishly, because I’m tired of hiding. And I’m tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered, and my relationships suffered."
Ellen Page, 2/14/14.

Brigid came out on 2/14/13.  This was not news to me, but it was a big deal for her at the time.  She promptly cut her hair off, gave up on wearing anything feminine, and has generally been a lot happier since.  I am happy to buy her Axe products and say nothing when she steals my boxer briefs.  (This is an interesting twist on what must occur in most households in which an 18 year old girl lives; only she is stealing mom's lingerie, instead of Dad' s boxer briefs.  I like my life better.)  Wherever we go she is mistaken for a young man which bothers me more that it does her.

So when the twittersphere erupted a couple of days ago when Ellen Page came out I was a bit baffled about the hullabaloo, but it seemed sweet and cemented my fondness for Ellen Page.  She is smart and articulate and I did tear up quite a bit during her talk, and appreciated her insights.

I am less fond of the hate legislation being passed in Kansas.  More than one person is going to die as a result of such cruelty.

We need an army of Ellen Pages, as well as an army of enraged parents, teachers, politicians and just plain folk.

At any rate, I asked Brigid if she'd watched Ellen's speech and she said she hadn't.  She looked at me incredulously and said:  "God Dad, what did you think, that's news ?  My gaydar went off immediately when we watched Juno."

We watched Juno in 2008, when Brig was 12.

Huh.

It troubles me that she had to struggle with her identity for so long.  But she's out now and that's what matters.

Fuck you Kansas.  That's a father talking.

High Tension Wire

"An eight ball baby and a jug of wine . . ."
Danny Barnes

December 1, 2012 I was sitting outside the locked door of the office at 44 Montgomery with Brigid and 15 bankers boxes of files.  I'd walked away from colleagues of the last 14 years, and moved what I imagined was my "practice" and it was now scattered around the hallway in front of the locked suite.  We'd been given the wrong suite key, so stuck.  Brigid:  "they're really rolling out the welcome wagon for you aren't they dad ?"

It got better and 2013 was the best of my professional career.  Yoga practice shrank to almost non-existent by the end of the year.  But threw the iron around, a lot, and arms and shoulders are absurdly large. I feel like Gimli when he drops the chain mail over his head in the Two Towers. Everything is a little tight.  Yes, you do have the time.

I don't know if 2014 will work out as well; I'll stress about it.  But I'll never again be crippled by self-doubt and afraid to make a move.  Gotten used to being a high tension wire . . .

Pete

"This machine stamps out hate and forces it to surrender."

"Here's to the cheshire, here's to the cheese . . ."

"Green and yeller, green and yeller, mother be quick, I'm gonna be sick and lay me down to die . . ."

"I learned that murderers die for their crimes, even if we make a mistake sometimes . . ."

"They never had such a supper in their life while the little one's chewed on the boneso, boneso . . . "

RIP Pete; we'll never stop listening.

2014

"Making something out of nothing with a scratch and our hope
With two old guitars like a shovel and a rope"
Shovels & Rope, Birmingham

Just finished the 11th day of Dan John's 10,000 swing program.  The 24kg is flying up like a (iron) balloon, but he says the worm turns at day 12 which is tomorrow, after the 8:30 settlement conference and before the Tuesday trial.  I am skeptical, I'll finish this program cause it is good for the grip and conditioning but I don't believe it'll suddenly get harder.  Its hard, but no too and that's enough.

2013 marks the best year I have ever had, financially and professionally.  Stronger, no doubt but the yoga practice has suffered.

At the start of 2014 the shoulders are large, the beard is grey.  Blood pressure is elevated, dog is gimpy.

Don't fuck it up.

The Power of Positive Thinking

U

 "Write it down; make it so."
Dan John/Jean LucPicard

A buddy of mine asked the other day if I was done with this blog and I think the answer is no.  Been tracking all workouts on fitocracy (dbt1959) so that purpose is being met elsewhere.  Have been feeling thick but am going to feel skinny tomorrow after 628 snatches in 40 minutes later this afternoon.  Write it down; make it so.  The Dan John/Jean Luc Picard mash-up.  That ended up going very well although ripped a callous on left, long time since that happened.
 
A therapist suggested several years ago that in many instances we can't control what happens to us but we can invariably control how we react. This true and wish I'd figured it out years ago.
The thing I like a about the music and fitness worlds on social media is that both are overwhelmingly positive. Two of my favorite examples are the enormously talented Jon Batiste and the enormously energetic Caroline Jordan. Both are in their mid twenties, clearly love what they do and are very very generous with their considerable skills.

I got turned onto Jon about three years ago when Brigid and I went to Yoshi's to hear the Roy Hargrove quintet. They closed with Soulful with Jon just teasing out the opening and closing vamp so softly and melodically it was breathtaking: for my money he stole the show. So when I started following him on social media, and seeing him and the Stay Human band performing on the subways and streets of New York and many other urban settings I was enthralled.  This young man has it going on.  Overwhelming positive and generous to the point where he takes his art to the street not to entertain but to feed off the people feeding off his art. The photo below says it all:

My buddy Caroline is of the same spirit. A tiny dynamo who may be 100 pounds soaking wet has an enormous(ly) positive outlook that she shoots straight from the heart like a fire hose.  She is a favorite presence at my gym though I have never taken one of her classes.  She will however yell out to me across a crowded gym floor and I am pretty sure I am the only one who has shouted "feeling groovy Caroline" across the tricked out confines of 301 Pine though it ought to happen more often.  She is the first to be leading a benefit and global businesses have quickly made her their local ambassador.  She is unrelenting positive, unconcerned by image or pretense and that is a very very good thing to see in one so young.  She sent me this TED talk by local yogi Stephanie Snyder.  Those cracks are gateways, she is correct.  If each presents an opportunity then the world is wide open:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8UUlgJxUFY



It's never too late to start and whatever burdens, baggage and shit storms the world has tossed your way are you have brought about are no excuse.  Some folks get more than their fair share.  Too bad, choose wisely, and it'll get better.  I love waking up to my sm feed. On the west coast by the time I am clutching my coffee others have been up and at it for three hours so I get the benefit of others' passion, and positive energy.  Take it.  Make your own.

It is not easy.  Turning 54 in three weeks and the all important physical piece requires planning and need to plan better.  Less pressing, more yoga.  Heavy long cycle is fun but twin 24's are no joke.  Like to start oly lifting but not sure that's a good idea in middle age.  Fact I'm pretty sure its not.    Focus on breathing better.  Slow down.  Work on thoracic mobility, not shoulders.  Big enough.  Except that I am 9 reps away on both sides from nailing ROP with the 28kg and yeah I am getting big but so what.  Think about what is going to serve you, and not that fucking ego that says I need to be an old badass mo in the gym.  You are an old badass mofo.  Now move the fuck on.

What I have learned through the Power is that there is nothing that cannot be changed.  Health ? Check.  Work situation ?  Check.  What next old man, there is much on the list.

Approached recently by very prestigious law firm looking to move back into SF.  Do the interviews, we each like what we see and it has been an ego boost.  But is it me ?  I have to say I think not.  I want less clutter, not more.  I make enough, work hard enough.  Do I need at this point to level it up again in the career ?  Not if its doing the same thing I do now.  Another very good client has mentioned moving in house twice recently.  That would be a change worth making; a total stretch in a new direction, my heart could take me there easily, as opposed to ego.

Regardless, that both opportunities present themselves I'll choose to mark down as a product of positive thinking.  Here's hoping that does not reveal itself to be delusional.  But I think not.

 

Ya' Rock So, Ya' Rock So . . .

 "You're gonna lively up yourself cause I said so"
Bob Marley

It was cold wet and rainy in December and and social media made me ball like a baby. Left to my own devices I am a sap. While You Were Sleeping still really gets to me. It is, at bottom, a holiday film. As is Die Hard.

When something unspeakably awful happens and the social media landscape explodes I just going hollow.

That was Sandy Hook.

Made it through holidays though not without stunning dysfunction. New schedule/new firm brings regular morning disconnect, getting up wondering what I've wrought. Phone keeps ringing and emails keep coming the ebb and flow of commerce unabated. Appears that worked. Listen to yourself, have you not learned that by now ?

Staying fit but has required adjustment. First and foremost, must dial back alcohol consumption. That ain't helping no one, quite to the contrary. Yoga practice has suffered. Fix this. Training has evolved to include a couple of 20 minute double (24kg) sessions with 1:1 work/rest ratio.  All logged on fito @dbt1959 if the three people who read this give a shit.
Doubles on the minute, it is amazing how much one can sweat in 20 minutes. Double 24's are no joke, that's 106 you are throwing around there . . . I am getting large.  March 1, double 32kg clean and press just to make sure I can still do it.  I can.

Listening to a shit ton of Ryan Adams.  This one is good.

Gh

Crazy like a rocket when you're coming through my radio.


Super Bowl but no parade. Day of was 49er inspired group session. Both older and larger by a wide margin. Frequently throwing twice the weight of anyone, ct gently chiding me to keep right foot from wandering.  At the top of the Lyon St. steps on a gorgeous day cleaning and cleaning and squatting twin 24's.  Boom.

Slowing mid-feb . Build the roll back.

3/2 now and roll built back.  Outstanding work coming in that'll keep folks (primarily me) very busy for next few months while long-term projects take shape.  A new focus on marketing (i.e. eating and drinking with people) is paying off.  No regrets.  People at old firm behaving like idiots.  I was a good soldier and was prepared to maintain all relationships, but not interested in maintaining relationships after being thrown under the bus by small people.  Rear view and no real need to check it.

Yoga is down to twice a week and kbell thrashings 3-4x per week often in the back yard, in the dark.  No meaningful weight gain and feeling very very strong.

Brigid "came out" 2/13.  Utterly unsurprising and not a big deal for me, but a very big deal for her.  Lighter, tight with her brother.

Go Bob.




Go me.

Niceties

"I ain't living like I should.
A little rest might do me good.
Got to sinking in the place where I once stood.
Now I ain't living like I should."

Danko/Manuel, Jason Isbell

 

This is really good:

 

 

 

 

It's better for me." "Do I see myself here in three years ? If the answer is no, why wait ?

Or, I am just fucking done. See ya.


Saturday
15:15 x 80 7 then 8 rep pace, 16kg.

Sunday
Good ct throw down.

Monday trial prep, no exercise
Tuesday, trial, no exercise
Wednesday, gotta run home and feed. No exercise
Three days off but crappy sleep and stress; no relaxation, no real recuperation just a noxious cortisol infused swamp.

Thursday
Ok, enough. To gym for:

100 alternating single arm swing warm up
1-3+1-3 28kg press lasses
5 twin 28 kg from squats
20 28kg renegade rows
30 24kg snatches
1 28kg tgu
x4. Slogging through wet cement.

Friday
30:30 24kg swings 20 reps
x10
90 minute Pradeep class. Awesome is overused but it really was.

Saturday
Run around with Brigid, feel good doing it.

Sunday.  CT fun.

Monday
 I don't remember but I am sure it was great.

Tuesday
Yoga was involved; big stretch

Wednesday
Work.  Then with @510kettlebeller and @twiddlebells for Lyon St. Steps.  4x, alternate 20 and 24, then twice more at top.

Thursday, T-Day.  1-10-1 long cycle burpee push-up ladder.  Go.  Possibly the beat turkey I have ever eaten.  Brandy fig glaze, yes, my 16 year old conceived of and executed that, wow.

Friday
Easy 2500 meters and some wall sits.  Be good to yourself old man.

Saturday
Shit ton of swing and press work.

Sunday
 15/15 7 rep pace x 40 with the 20kg

Monday
Go in and deliver the news.  Grim walk around the office; yes I am leaving.  Moving on.  Have to.  Oddest day ever.

Tuesday
More weirdness sending release letters out.  Bunches of them.  What have I started ?
CT kickass workout in PM.  Better.

Wednesday
Weirdness continues.  No hairy eyeball yet, they are still in shock.

Thursday
Up to CT to throw it down hard.  15/15 x 80.  7 rep pace, her tripped out, me killing it.

Friday
Does not get any stranger than this.  Weirder and weirder as afternoon wears on.  Old guys pretty pissed.  I've walked out with more than a dozen clients, and they are now realizing what they should have seen two years ago.  See ya ostrich.  To Pradeep and the mat.  Cause it'll make me better.

Saturday
Glitches all around.  Brigid sums it up nicely:  "They're really rolling out the welcome wagon for you huh Dad ?"  As I sit with my boxes in an unfamiliar hallway trying to get into the office I've arranged.
Could be bad but get in and BG helps me and Brigid move stuff.  The van is unloaded in six trips.  Office is a fucking mess.
Night, new firm Christmas party at Left Bank.  Everyone amused.  Goes well but drank too much.

Sunday.
Back in to set up computer, unload.  See what's what.  Need help.  Do not freak out.

Monday
By 10:30 functioning again. Email intact, not missing a beat.  Work streaming in.  It is as I had hoped/sold.  They don't care about the number or address, as long as you are on the other end.  Phew.  Hit it Monday night hard.

Tuesday
At the mothership in SR.  Seamless work flow, busy all day.  No exercise.

Wednesday
Same as above.  Except old firm freaking out about subs and tomorrow's court appearance, trashing me.  Fuck you, grow up.  No, you are not.

Thursday
Effective five minutes and motion is resolved.  Rest of day is first full, killing it.  New client meeting, other impending shit storms, setting up 2013.  Happier and happier.  Hit gym hard, 24kg press ladders x 5 and stuff in between.  Barbacco after, then go pick up Ian.  Better.  New normal.

Friday
Shut out of pot conference with LDC.  Pretty good day.  MH at noon.  Productive afternoon.  Drinks with former judge and pot lawyers at the Clift.  LDC lovely and uber-competent. 

Saturday
Shop, vacuum, snatches, 15/15 7 rep pace x 80.  Boom.

Sunday
Back to office.  They like me and so have made space.  Move boxes out, get chairs in, work for two hours.  Get the feel.  In gym for effective barbell and dumbell session, then 10k meters on rowing machine watching 49er's beat Dolphins.  Nervous system fried, this has been a month not to be forgotten.  Would not have it any other way.

Change is good.  As for all those freaking out:  that you did not see it coming is very instructive.