Recovery (aka stop whining)

"Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things."
Ray Bradbury

"I'm like an old dog, I hate to be run off from home."

Doc Watson


RIP. World's been losing a lot of genius lately.

Monday (two weeks ago)
Into gym to pick up iron for first time in weeks. Goes like:
50 single arm swing 16kg alternating warm up
16kg long cycle c&p 5
24kg long cycle c&p 5
10 24kg goblet squats
10+10 28kg rows
20 24kg swings
1 24kg tgu
20 24kg snatches
x4
All pretty good considering. Wanted to go 5 cycles but enough was enough.

Tuesday
Jury is not yet back. Thinking about doubling up with yoga and then CT, but feeling yesterday. Pleasantly feeling yesterday.
Opt for packed MH class and 60 min of hip openers. Much much better, especially one foot stuff. Kbells tomorrow.

Wednesday
Get on the ferry for first time in more than a month. Snarky pointless emails flying back and forth. Drama for the sake of it; I'd like to say spare me, but need the billables.

Jury comes back and we lose, sort of. It's set up for a tie at best. Everything I was responsible for was a winner, we beat their affirmative defenses. Client upset and wants me to take over.

Into gym. Still feeling Monday but not overly so, hit it.
60 35kg single arm swing warmup.

Double short cycle c&p
5 20kg
4 24kg
3 28kg
1+1 32 kg singles
Cannot hit triples with the 28 and need to break after 3. Cannot hit double 32s at all. Going up easy left but right groove is not there and it's going up wonky. Figure it out.

Double 24kg front squats, 8
5, then 3 assisted pullups, 16lb
20 figure 8 to hold, 10 20, then 10 24 middle set both 24
5+5 sls to
5+5 with 16kg bu
x3
Frankly, enough.

Thursday
In SR all day. Fucking wasting time I do not have; do not tell me what to say. Ever.
No exercise, which is fine.

Friday
Two court appearances in Alameda. Cannot stand the thought of sitting in the car on 80 again, jump on boat. It'll be so much better on the other end.
Get through, scheduling gods in my favor and only have two witnesses to prep for this weekend instead of three. Expert will fly out Tuesday, I'll deal with it then.
Hit 4:30 Pradeep. Awesome.

But ugly over the weekend. Client handed jury presentation to me Sunday so in addition to wrapping up crosses I am working on an opening. Long day Saturday, pretty long Sunday too, but done by 6:30.
No exercise and feeling very fat; there will be none until Wednesday at very earliest. Unless we settle. You gave it to me, now you get to listen to me.

And we do. Bloody, hard but right.
Straight into gym for 60 min Pradeep. Difficult, perfect.

Tuesday
Back to office digging out. Time for extended k bells:

60 single arm swing alternating warm up

Long cycle c&p

5 20
4 24
3 28
Single 32's

10 32kg goblet squats
10+10 28 kg renegade rows
5+5 sls to 5+5 bu 16's.
x 3

20 28kg swings to 1 tgu x 5

Good volume.


Wednesday
Out of the frying pan and all that.
Hit afternoon MH for 60 minutes of hamstring work. Whole body better.

Thursday
BU practice for first time in months. Awful, then remember to focus on eyes and start to stick it. Reel off five 24kg twin bu clean and 15 second holds with no flopping around. Great oblique drill.
In later, feel like want to bag but go
16kg snatch 15/15 seven rep pace x 50. Headed for 70 but shut it down. S'ok.

Friday
Pradeep is gone so it's noon with MH. Another hamstring intensive, which can never get enough of.
Leave office early to go watch golf at SF Ferry Plaza Wine Bar where drink Pellegrino and get shit from bartender.

Saturday
Shopping all day with Brigid. Re-stocking.

Sunday
Hallmark holiday. Take B in to yoga where he rocks it out. Back up and to Annes for BBQ.

Monday
In for short but intense workout:
60 single arm 16kg swing warm up.
Long cycle clean and press doubles:
5 20
4 24
3 28
2+2 32 singles.
Right better but not yet where it was. Left is really good, hit one double felt like maybe three, next time.
10+10 step back lunges with 24 in rack.
10+10 28kg rows
10 32kg goblet squat
x3.
Enough left in the tank so can see CT tomorrow for like first time in a month.


A few weeks back I walked into Lululemon on Grant cause I needed a yoga towel and a shirt for a class I didn't know I'd have time to take. There was a retail therapy component. They were cranking AC-DC's Back In Black, very loud. Adrenaline kicked in I commented to the sales gal that it made me want to go move metal around instead of yoga. She put my 48.00 shirt in an expensive looking bag and smiled thinly. I asked if she'd knock four bucks off the shirt if I skipped the bag. No reaction. You're fun.

I look seriously ridiculous in Lululemon sleeveless. Those clothes are made for skinny little vegan yogi boys not middle aged heavy sweating trolls. The gun show looks massive and a joke.
I need to have someone follow me around and tell me not to do things like that. EliteEfts cotton works well. Sweat and quiet mind.  Do one, get the other.

Battles

"Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. So they're likely carrying weapons."
The Bloggess, aka Jenny Lawson

And this is a dogfight. Was my show on crosses all week and they have been effective. Very. Real kudos from defense counsel and Client ready to put me in charge and I'd do it but for the damaging optics, so I'll just stew. I am pissed about the lack of communication, support and at myself for putting career on hold. The evidence is in, we got final instructions, just need to hit it on close, so where the fuck is everyone ?

No exercise all week except blessed Friday yoga. 90 minutes of Pradeep to slow down my mind. Thank you for being here, welcome home indeed.

Saturday, work all day on M's closing, the one client was practically begging me to do. It sucks and does not have to. Basically tell everyone to fuck off at 10:30 pm and that wakes everyone up for Sunday, where it is a reasonably productive day once M leaves.

Monday clusterfuck. Go from 7:00 am until 2:00 am getting closing together. Guys, we could have done this better.

Tuesday
Closings go reasonably well. But defense counsel hits it out of park on his overview. Its back to the office, nervous. Go until 1:00 am making new slides with jury consultant and graphic artist. The three of us are locked in creating and editing on the fly. Others are spinning in and out, freaking out barking at each other but we are tight and focused and by 1:00 am we have a very very good presentation.

Wednesday.
They are not as good as I thought they would be. They are fumbling a bit. Their slides are going up and we have a response for everything. Really pretty remarkable how well our rebuttal will debunk their 75 minutes of venom.

They finish and we have 10 minutes to gather. Into the stairwell that has functioned as a courthouse conference room for the last six weeks. I look at M and simply tell him everything he needs is right there, in his hands, in the computer. He just needs to deliver. There is no question in anyone's mind that I'm the one who should be doing this, but ya gotta finish what you started.

We debunk in 30, goes very very well.

Jury goes out. We are trying to get organized, clean up and get out but just spent, both sides walking around in a daze. Lead defense counsel and his second chair both shake my hand, tell me they could see my hands all over our presentations, and are very complimentary.

Into my office for the first time in a week and a half. Poke at other things, talk to clients, shore up the bubble gum and baling wire.

Head out at 4:15, gonna get to MH meditation and yoga. Slow down my mind. Or try, the first two jury questions come in, we will be back in the morning.

Get to class. Breath is shallow and balance sucks. But there are remnants of a practice, just going to have to be patient. Flushed with endorphins for the first time in weeks, come up with the perfect slide for close. This is why I wanted time to think.

Thursday
Up early and big two hour scramble to get to court. We are arguing until noon, but what is going back into the jury room is really good for us.

Not thinking about iron yet. Need to get breathing right and get balance back. In for EH at 4:45. Better. Not much, but better.

Home, Brigid has band concert. Walk in and C says she is waiting for text at intermission and we'll go. C gets on the phone and I hear nothing. Text Brigid directly at 8:20, it's been over for ten minutes and she is upset. Fly over to school to get her. She is really pissed and distressed that C did not respond to her texts is one thing, but her band teacher forced her to put a velvet bag over her jeans and wear too small shoes because Brigid was not dressed properly. She was told by this teacher in front of everyone else that she looked ridiculous but no one would be able to tell from a distance.

Pretty much lose it.

New plan. Get up Friday morning, fuck going in to office. Find a house on the river for the weekend. Shop. Sit on side of road and work.

Take Brigid, Barry and Rose and go. By 5:00 we are in the redwoods, on the river. B is having a burger and milk on the deck in the sun. We roll into town for ice cream, come back and play Trivial Pursuit. And listen to birds outside; by 10:00 pm its a rustling punctuated by the occasional heron scream. She looks at me and says this was the best idea ever.

Better.

Get up. Sit on the porch. They are up at 11. Spill down into the boats and up the river for swimming, pushing Barry around in the water. The BG is in full squalor and we get chased off the private beach across the river where they all end up any way.

Anne comes up, we bar b que and play three rounds of scrabble.

Body chemistry feels normal again. Start Monday with some lightish long cycle ladders, nothing heavier than 24's. That'll do, make it enough.